WOOF TICKETS 4 SALE

The LAEFL coaches, sidelined by the government sanctioned stay-at-home order, have launched a campaign to encourage/incite one another by selling “Woof” tickets. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is wanting to do something or go somewhere but the barking dog in your head or piped in over the sound system makes you think twice before acting. That’s what’s happening in the LAEFL this week as coaches are chomping at the bit, at the leg of chairs, at the end of the sofa wanting to get out and Crack Plastic in the worst way.

Rivalries are usually created when teams have played each other multiple times over the course of decades. Like Steelers and Browns, Redskins and Cowboys, Bears and Packers, Rams and 49ers, and Chargers and Raiders. Those teams have been at it for years. In the LAEFL, over the last several days, the “Woof” tickets have been going out from the Browns (pumpkins), Steelers (squealers), Raiders (haters), Eagles (pigeons), Jets (fly bys), 49ers (bay boys) and others. And while this reporter has listened, he knows the difference between  “Woof” tickets and the real bite that comes from the big dog.

So if you want to get in on this event the LAEFL coaches are selling, go to Wooftickets4sale.com to contribute and help encourage or incite a coach.

Steven Watts for the LAEFL Chronicle

LAEFL 2nd Gameday canceled (UFN)

As the California statewide stay at home order enters it’s 4th week, LAEFL gameday #2 was canceled until further notice. Like all others in the sports world, the LAEFL coaches are conforming to the stay at home orders and social distancing while this Covid-19 pandemic continues to ravage our state, our nation and our world. But all is not lost for the LAEFL crew as they are busy preparing for the next gameday, whenever that will be.

The Texans have adhered to the size gathering rules by holding daily practices with each squad (QB & Backs, QB & Receivers, O-Line, D-Line, LBs, & Secondary) on different days to limit the spread of the virus. Coach EMAC is determined to be ready with a healthy squad whenever the season begins.

The Browns are renovating their stadium for a home field advantage that favors the Dawgs. Coach John has supervised the work himself to ensure they have the best opportunity to win.

The 49ers and Coach Cleon have taken a sabbatical to allow his team to recover as one of their players had a dry cough and they are taking precautions. Coach Cleon will be ready as evidenced by his team’s performance on gameday 1. His new team came to play and are ready to show his next opponent.

The Raiders have taken this time to interview and sign some new players that will give them a stronger presence on the field. Coach ERob has stated “these bitches are ready to blow folks off the field”.

The Eagles, hit hard last week with flu-like symptoms, have recovered and been consulting with the Browns engineers to bring the Dawg Pound Coliseum to code. Coach Isaac says his Eagles will not have a letdown when the season begins and are set to bring the “CHIP” to Philly.

The Vikings, like the Raiders, were also recruiting and signed extra men to beef up their team. Coach Ajah has stated that the Vikings are ready to “Skol some folk” when the season starts again.

The Bill’s have all their PPE ( personal protective equipment) on are are ready to lower the boom on whoever steps onto their field. Coach Mark has said the “Bills Mafia” didn’t get their name from being in New York, but what “they do” in New York.

The Rams & Jets are laying low proclaiming they “got something for you” but not stating exactly what they got. Both Coach Anthony & Coach Shabby refused further comments when asked what you mean.

When this reporter approached the coaches of the Rams, Chiefs and Cowboys for comments, they all proclaimed loudly in unison “you’ll see us next gameday”.

The LAEFL is alive and ready to crack plastic whenever the government releases the restrictions and we all have our lives back so we can kick some opponents butt. Until then stay safe, keep your distance and we’ll see you all soon.

Steven Watts reporting for LAEFL  Chronicle

APRIL 1 – NO FOOLS JOKE

After 3 weeks of the Covid-19 pandemic/shutdown, the LAEFL coaches are more than stir crazy. With the entire country on isolation therapy until April 30 folks are anxious to break the rules and get some scrimmages in with other coaches. Solitaire games are good for a few sessions but unless you’re in a solitaire league it’s not good for the long haul.

Cheer up LAEFL coaches, you have 30 more days to hone you team and your skills before cracking plastic with another human.  Until then, stay safe, keep your distance, and reach out to family and friends to help them through this shutdown period. As the title states, this is “NO FOOL’S JOKE”,  this is life as we now live it. By the time we congregate again we’ll all be happy to see one another.      Steven Watt – reporting for the LAEFL Chronicle

The Inaugural 273.5 Bowl

There are and have been plenty of rivalries in the LAEFL: Ant/Erob, Cello/Vince and the famous, “Smoke-A-Bowl,” between Shabby J and Cleon. However, these rivalries have taken years to develop on the field through friendship and competition. Never has there been a rivalry created immediately involving a Rookie Coach and no official game under their belt…until now.

Mark Holguin II brought his father, Mark Holguin Sr, into the world of EFL and in a bizarro-world scenario it was the son teaching his dad how to play. Little did the younger Holguin know that his father continued to study the game, its gameplay, and the extra-curricular activity that follows. In their second scrimmage together, Mark II opened his defense to allow the elder Holguin a chance to create a big play. When he was about to explain a rule, Mark Sr, finished the rule and added, “Hit the switch b***h!” Mark Sr and his Los Angeles Rams won the scrimmage 21-7. That day and since his inclusion in the league, all the LAEFL talks about is how this father/son game will become the next great rivalry. With that, the “273.5 Bowl,” was created and with that a trophy that was fitting for the occasion.

The Name: In Los Angeles, Penal Code 273.5 means a domestic or family disturbance. This has been something that both Mark Sr, a retired Los Angeles Police Officer, and Mark II, a Los Angeles County Emergency Medical Technician, have responded to plenty of times in their careers.

The Trophy: The trophy was originally belonged to the youngest member of the Holguin household, Jacob, as it was his only football trophy. Now that there are numerous baseball trophies, awards, baseballs noting milestones in his career such as first strikeout in college, first save, and a few no-hitters, he had no problem parting ways with it.

Colors: Half powder blue and gold to represent Mark Sr’s alma mater UCLA and half maroon and gold to represent Mark II’s alma mater Arizona State. In the middle of the helmet, there is a navy-blue stripe to signify the uniform they shared in civil service.

A decal will be placed on the side of the winner indicating the year they won. In talking to Mark Sr, ahead of their match he can’t wait to begin this new rivalry and later added, “You are going to have to make the all blue. You won’t have enough room to put my wins on there.” His son Mark II, simply responded, “There may need to be extra security on hand for this game.”

-Thomas Aldrich

Bills Gameday Previews

With the events of COVID-19 escalating, it is unsure what will happen with the second month of play in the LAEFL. Earlier today, the Governor making orders for people to stay at home for a minimum of one month and the suspension of gatherings of 10 people or more has not been extended statewide. However, that has not stopped the Mafia from preparing for the next gameday including the newly named 273.5 Bowl. Despite having a guaranteed opponent in Coach Mark Sr., Buffalo must be prepared for whoever may come next.

Jets: Boozer and Broadway have been forces against the defensive line of Buffalo. Shabby knows that you know his game plan and will still succeed. However, if he plays the Bills after the Smoke-A-Bowl with Cleon, the Northern New York team may have a chance depending on what medicine is served to him before, during, and maybe after the game

Steelers: Coach Ant will also be playing his first game(s) of the season at this time. However, these two teams met during the Open Run while Pittsburgh was still doing tryouts for the league squad and the Bills were testing out their killer new running back and switching players from DTs to DEs. However, with monsters at the front 5, don’t expect anything less from what has been working for him for the past 2 seasons.

Raiders: Since coming into the league in 2018, the Bills and Raiders have had wars galore including the playoffs last year where Buffalo’s rally fell short as time expired. Let us not forget earlier that year where a crucial 3rd and long created one of the greatest clutch completions in the end zone with 2 minutes left allowed ERob to hammer the final nail in the coffin. The Bills were able to compete with his famous Black College All-Stars team who provide which can give hope to the Buffalo faithful that this could be the year they get the monkey off their back.

Vikings: The Furnace Bowl will always have a special place in the LAEFL. Both games they have played as created a 21-point comeback from each team. When they play this year, last one to have the ball will be the winner hands down.

49ers: Coach Cleon wants revenge for last year’s loss to the Bills where turnovers played a major factor. However, the new-look Niner squad handed the Vikings a statement loss leading them to start the season undefeated. Ronnie Lott and Mark Kelso headline the 49ers and Bills defenses (respectively) but it will be the passing game that will determine who comes away with the victory

Browns: Another coach that wants to vengeance against the Mafia. Coach John won his first game ever in the LAEFL. However, he nearly lost it towards the end of regulation. Mark II will have to pay close attention to Chubb and Baker’s passing has been on point to where it can be a hassle for him to shut down this upstart team.

Ravens: Show up

Texans: Last year’s Most Improved Coach was handed a beatdown by the Eagles. Big mistake by Coach Isaac as he has now woken up the beast again. The passing game towards the end of the game was a sign of what is to come in his next game. Also, Coach Mark II is reminding his squad of what could have been after the heartbreaker in overtime adding more fuel to the fire during practices.

Cowboys: This year’s favorite for Rookie of the Year had a miraculous rally that could have some of its momentum carry over into April. Now, with their home field set to open, the team looked stronger and faster than ever in their training sessions. In addition, Mark II must be reminded that although he is a rookie in the league, he can still compete with the seasoned vets of the game and must respect him as so.

Lions: Originally scheduled for Opening Day, Thompson’s Lions have been able to defeat some of the best in the game nationwide. Not much is on tape for his squad so Buffalo must be prepared for anything that can and will be thrown at them. In this instance, they would just need to stick to basics and utilize their three-headed rushing monster in Kelly, Thurman, and OJ.

Eagles: The Bills just need to make it close. Coach Isaac has put up 74 points in two games allowing only 18 in that time. It will be the first time Philly and Buffalo meet since the infamous, “Tap Out,” game to open the 2018 eventually leading to Isaac capturing the Rookie of the Year Award. While they scrimmage and spar together like two boxers belonging to the same gym, their exhibition at Jamboree showed that there needs to be more improvement in all aspects of their game.

While all we have are previews, it is still unclear of what the future holds. What is certain, Buffalo will be better prepared for what is ahead on the electric gridiron.

-Thomas Aldrich