After 3 weeks of the Covid-19 pandemic/shutdown, the LAEFL coaches are more than stir crazy. With the entire country on isolation therapy until April 30 folks are anxious to break the rules and get some scrimmages in with other coaches. Solitaire games are good for a few sessions but unless you’re in a solitaire league it’s not good for the long haul.

Cheer up LAEFL coaches, you have 30 more days to hone you team and your skills before cracking plastic with another human.  Until then, stay safe, keep your distance, and reach out to family and friends to help them through this shutdown period. As the title states, this is “NO FOOL’S JOKE”,  this is life as we now live it. By the time we congregate again we’ll all be happy to see one another.      Steven Watt – reporting for the LAEFL Chronicle

The Inaugural 273.5 Bowl

There are and have been plenty of rivalries in the LAEFL: Ant/Erob, Cello/Vince and the famous, “Smoke-A-Bowl,” between Shabby J and Cleon. However, these rivalries have taken years to develop on the field through friendship and competition. Never has there been a rivalry created immediately involving a Rookie Coach and no official game under their belt…until now.

Mark Holguin II brought his father, Mark Holguin Sr, into the world of EFL and in a bizarro-world scenario it was the son teaching his dad how to play. Little did the younger Holguin know that his father continued to study the game, its gameplay, and the extra-curricular activity that follows. In their second scrimmage together, Mark II opened his defense to allow the elder Holguin a chance to create a big play. When he was about to explain a rule, Mark Sr, finished the rule and added, “Hit the switch b***h!” Mark Sr and his Los Angeles Rams won the scrimmage 21-7. That day and since his inclusion in the league, all the LAEFL talks about is how this father/son game will become the next great rivalry. With that, the “273.5 Bowl,” was created and with that a trophy that was fitting for the occasion.

The Name: In Los Angeles, Penal Code 273.5 means a domestic or family disturbance. This has been something that both Mark Sr, a retired Los Angeles Police Officer, and Mark II, a Los Angeles County Emergency Medical Technician, have responded to plenty of times in their careers.

The Trophy: The trophy was originally belonged to the youngest member of the Holguin household, Jacob, as it was his only football trophy. Now that there are numerous baseball trophies, awards, baseballs noting milestones in his career such as first strikeout in college, first save, and a few no-hitters, he had no problem parting ways with it.

Colors: Half powder blue and gold to represent Mark Sr’s alma mater UCLA and half maroon and gold to represent Mark II’s alma mater Arizona State. In the middle of the helmet, there is a navy-blue stripe to signify the uniform they shared in civil service.

A decal will be placed on the side of the winner indicating the year they won. In talking to Mark Sr, ahead of their match he can’t wait to begin this new rivalry and later added, “You are going to have to make the all blue. You won’t have enough room to put my wins on there.” His son Mark II, simply responded, “There may need to be extra security on hand for this game.”

-Thomas Aldrich

Bills Gameday Previews

With the events of COVID-19 escalating, it is unsure what will happen with the second month of play in the LAEFL. Earlier today, the Governor making orders for people to stay at home for a minimum of one month and the suspension of gatherings of 10 people or more has not been extended statewide. However, that has not stopped the Mafia from preparing for the next gameday including the newly named 273.5 Bowl. Despite having a guaranteed opponent in Coach Mark Sr., Buffalo must be prepared for whoever may come next.

Jets: Boozer and Broadway have been forces against the defensive line of Buffalo. Shabby knows that you know his game plan and will still succeed. However, if he plays the Bills after the Smoke-A-Bowl with Cleon, the Northern New York team may have a chance depending on what medicine is served to him before, during, and maybe after the game

Steelers: Coach Ant will also be playing his first game(s) of the season at this time. However, these two teams met during the Open Run while Pittsburgh was still doing tryouts for the league squad and the Bills were testing out their killer new running back and switching players from DTs to DEs. However, with monsters at the front 5, don’t expect anything less from what has been working for him for the past 2 seasons.

Raiders: Since coming into the league in 2018, the Bills and Raiders have had wars galore including the playoffs last year where Buffalo’s rally fell short as time expired. Let us not forget earlier that year where a crucial 3rd and long created one of the greatest clutch completions in the end zone with 2 minutes left allowed ERob to hammer the final nail in the coffin. The Bills were able to compete with his famous Black College All-Stars team who provide which can give hope to the Buffalo faithful that this could be the year they get the monkey off their back.

Vikings: The Furnace Bowl will always have a special place in the LAEFL. Both games they have played as created a 21-point comeback from each team. When they play this year, last one to have the ball will be the winner hands down.

49ers: Coach Cleon wants revenge for last year’s loss to the Bills where turnovers played a major factor. However, the new-look Niner squad handed the Vikings a statement loss leading them to start the season undefeated. Ronnie Lott and Mark Kelso headline the 49ers and Bills defenses (respectively) but it will be the passing game that will determine who comes away with the victory

Browns: Another coach that wants to vengeance against the Mafia. Coach John won his first game ever in the LAEFL. However, he nearly lost it towards the end of regulation. Mark II will have to pay close attention to Chubb and Baker’s passing has been on point to where it can be a hassle for him to shut down this upstart team.

Ravens: Show up

Texans: Last year’s Most Improved Coach was handed a beatdown by the Eagles. Big mistake by Coach Isaac as he has now woken up the beast again. The passing game towards the end of the game was a sign of what is to come in his next game. Also, Coach Mark II is reminding his squad of what could have been after the heartbreaker in overtime adding more fuel to the fire during practices.

Cowboys: This year’s favorite for Rookie of the Year had a miraculous rally that could have some of its momentum carry over into April. Now, with their home field set to open, the team looked stronger and faster than ever in their training sessions. In addition, Mark II must be reminded that although he is a rookie in the league, he can still compete with the seasoned vets of the game and must respect him as so.

Lions: Originally scheduled for Opening Day, Thompson’s Lions have been able to defeat some of the best in the game nationwide. Not much is on tape for his squad so Buffalo must be prepared for anything that can and will be thrown at them. In this instance, they would just need to stick to basics and utilize their three-headed rushing monster in Kelly, Thurman, and OJ.

Eagles: The Bills just need to make it close. Coach Isaac has put up 74 points in two games allowing only 18 in that time. It will be the first time Philly and Buffalo meet since the infamous, “Tap Out,” game to open the 2018 eventually leading to Isaac capturing the Rookie of the Year Award. While they scrimmage and spar together like two boxers belonging to the same gym, their exhibition at Jamboree showed that there needs to be more improvement in all aspects of their game.

While all we have are previews, it is still unclear of what the future holds. What is certain, Buffalo will be better prepared for what is ahead on the electric gridiron.

-Thomas Aldrich


3-16-2020 – With the announcement last week of the CoronaVirus being called a pandemic, the entire sports world came to a halt. This came a few days after the LAEFL held its first game day. Since then Texans Coach EMAC pronounced his team is on lockdown for next 2 weeks as they are only group practicing (Qb & backs, Qb & Receivers, O-line, D-line, LBs, D-backs) on different days to eliminate larger gatherings. It is Coach EMAC’s hope that all coaches are self quarantining and social distancing during this period of uncertainty in our country.  May everyone stay safe and healthy.

Reporting from Houston- Tex Weatherford


Opening Day Recap

First and foremost, we want to thank all the coaches for making this one of the best Opening Days in league history. We know we had a few coaches missing due to serious illness and with everything going on in the world it was best for them to rest up and take care of themselves and hope they get better for next month.
Round One:
1. Rams (Ravens)….6
– Rookie, Coach Mark Sr., drove from the Inland Empire but left behind his Rams squad. Luckily, Coach Sire’s Ravens were ready to play despite their uniforms (and coach) stuck at the cleaners. Despite having a team that he had no experience with he was able to score one TD on last year’s number one seed. Coach Rev showed a great run game and his backs were patient to follow the leader for some great breakout plays.

2. Browns…12
– Last year’s Rookie of the Year, Coach John, has the power and the superstar to make waves. However, those come with hard lessons especially playing the commissioner himself. ERob dominated the game, but he was able to give respect to the ever-improving Dawg Pound who put up 12 points against the HOFer.

3. Vikings…22
– Coach Cleon and the new-look 49ers had the flash and flair to compete with Coach Ajah and his newest additions to the roster led by the their veteran Jim Kleinsasser. It all came down to 3 points and a missed 2-point conversion from the Purple People Eaters that gave Rasta the 1-0 start to the season.

4. Cowboys (Browns)…6
– The number one ranked team in the LAEFL had to show his teeth from the start. Although Coach Leon brought out his Browns squad while his Cowboys are still out in quarantine from COVID-19, he is not a true rookie playing long ago in Texas. While he was able to compete and score on one of the best defenses in the league, Coach Isaac pulled all the as the home field advantage was no match for visiting squad

5. Chiefs…0
– In the only shutout of the day Rookie Coach, Craig, did not make it easy for the Mafia. OJ was shut down early in his debut and Thurman Thomas did not play a factor in their run game. However, Coach Mark utilized Jim Kelly, who ran for 2 touchdowns and threw a TD pass to the improved Don Bebe. Coach Craig and the Chiefs Kingdom had plenty of opportunities in opposing territory including a 4th and long conversion that went to the Red Zone. However, with no kicking game, it was difficult to put points up for his squad.
Round Two
1. Texans…12
– In the second game of the day involving veteran coaches going head to head, Coach Isaac asserted his dominance over Coach Rev who went on a tear all of last season. Chris Carter and Hershel Walker played well enough to light up the scoreboard and those in attendance at the Vet reminded Houston, “There’s no place like the Dome.” Just be aware, the last person who played Rev and dominated his squad like that, woke up the beast and may all that is good have mercy on the soul that plays him next month.

2. Chiefs….7
– Coach Craig put up his first points in the LAEFL. However, Coach Ajah, who was coming off a loss in his first game at Candlestick, needed to go back to his game plan and create distance and avoid going 0-2 to start the season.

3. Cowboys (Browns)….14
– Easily the Game of the Day. One person was not only going to get their first win of the season but, they would be getting their first LAEFL win in general. Coach John stuck to his game plan to lead 21-6 going into the 2-minute warning. However, big plays from Coach Leon put him back in including avoiding a near sack that lead to a crucial touchdown and 2-point conversion that needed confirmation from the booth. Shortly thereafter, Leon recovered the onside kick exposing John’s unorthodox onside formation. With no timeouts, Leon did his best to march up the field but a game-ending sack cut the rally short giving John his first league win after going winless last season.

We look forward to next months games which will include the Annual Smoke-a-Bowl between Shabby J and Rasta and the Inaugural Hooligan Bowl between the Holguin Family.

-Thomas Aldrich