LAEFL

Week #5 of the statewide stay-at-home order and the LAEFL coaches have gone mostly quiet.  When your life is centered around the buzz of the fields and comradeship of like minded men, and that life is interrupted by the government dictating whether you can fellowship or not because of a virus they didn’t intercept in time to stop then it causes those men to only hear the solitary sound of their own field. When compared to 4 to 7 fields operating in unison, to one field at a time, it truly is “ALL QUIET on the WESTERN FRONT”.

But having this time away from their comrades has encouraged these LAEFL coaches to go back to the drawing boards and enrich their squads with additional men, work on their future squads, fire up their tweaking juices, design new plays, develop break away threats and prepare for the next cracking plastic session.

While the buzzing cannot be heard by others in the league, the individual coach in the privacy of his own laboratory has his thinking cap on and is creating several monsters he is set to unleash upon his fellow LAEFL brothers. So LAEFL coaches, even though you can’t hear their buzz, it is loud and cranking and building and ready to explode beyond the quiet, beyond the “WESTERN FRONT”.

Steven Watts reporting for LAEFL Chronicle

The LAEFL coaches, sidelined by the government sanctioned stay-at-home order, have launched a campaign to encourage/incite one another by selling “Woof” tickets. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is wanting to do something or go somewhere but the barking dog in your head or piped in over the sound system makes you think twice before acting. That’s what’s happening in the LAEFL this week as coaches are chomping at the bit, at the leg of chairs, at the end of the sofa wanting to get out and Crack Plastic in the worst way.

Rivalries are usually created when teams have played each other multiple times over the course of decades. Like Steelers and Browns, Redskins and Cowboys, Bears and Packers, Rams and 49ers, and Chargers and Raiders. Those teams have been at it for years. In the LAEFL, over the last several days, the “Woof” tickets have been going out from the Browns (pumpkins), Steelers (squealers), Raiders (haters), Eagles (pigeons), Jets (fly bys), 49ers (bay boys) and others. And while this reporter has listened, he knows the difference between  “Woof” tickets and the real bite that comes from the big dog.

So if you want to get in on this event the LAEFL coaches are selling, go to Wooftickets4sale.com to contribute and help encourage or incite a coach.

Steven Watts for the LAEFL Chronicle

As the California statewide stay at home order enters it’s 4th week, LAEFL gameday #2 was canceled until further notice. Like all others in the sports world, the LAEFL coaches are conforming to the stay at home orders and social distancing while this Covid-19 pandemic continues to ravage our state, our nation and our world. But all is not lost for the LAEFL crew as they are busy preparing for the next gameday, whenever that will be.

The Texans have adhered to the size gathering rules by holding daily practices with each squad (QB & Backs, QB & Receivers, O-Line, D-Line, LBs, & Secondary) on different days to limit the spread of the virus. Coach EMAC is determined to be ready with a healthy squad whenever the season begins.

The Browns are renovating their stadium for a home field advantage that favors the Dawgs. Coach John has supervised the work himself to ensure they have the best opportunity to win.

The 49ers and Coach Cleon have taken a sabbatical to allow his team to recover as one of their players had a dry cough and they are taking precautions. Coach Cleon will be ready as evidenced by his team’s performance on gameday 1. His new team came to play and are ready to show his next opponent.

The Raiders have taken this time to interview and sign some new players that will give them a stronger presence on the field. Coach ERob has stated “these bitches are ready to blow folks off the field”.

The Eagles, hit hard last week with flu-like symptoms, have recovered and been consulting with the Browns engineers to bring the Dawg Pound Coliseum to code. Coach Isaac says his Eagles will not have a letdown when the season begins and are set to bring the “CHIP” to Philly.

The Vikings, like the Raiders, were also recruiting and signed extra men to beef up their team. Coach Ajah has stated that the Vikings are ready to “Skol some folk” when the season starts again.

The Bill’s have all their PPE ( personal protective equipment) on are are ready to lower the boom on whoever steps onto their field. Coach Mark has said the “Bills Mafia” didn’t get their name from being in New York, but what “they do” in New York.

The Rams & Jets are laying low proclaiming they “got something for you” but not stating exactly what they got. Both Coach Anthony & Coach Shabby refused further comments when asked what you mean.

When this reporter approached the coaches of the Rams, Chiefs and Cowboys for comments, they all proclaimed loudly in unison “you’ll see us next gameday”.

The LAEFL is alive and ready to crack plastic whenever the government releases the restrictions and we all have our lives back so we can kick some opponents butt. Until then stay safe, keep your distance and we’ll see you all soon.

Steven Watts reporting for LAEFL  Chronicle

After 3 weeks of the Covid-19 pandemic/shutdown, the LAEFL coaches are more than stir crazy. With the entire country on isolation therapy until April 30 folks are anxious to break the rules and get some scrimmages in with other coaches. Solitaire games are good for a few sessions but unless you’re in a solitaire league it’s not good for the long haul.

Cheer up LAEFL coaches, you have 30 more days to hone you team and your skills before cracking plastic with another human.  Until then, stay safe, keep your distance, and reach out to family and friends to help them through this shutdown period. As the title states, this is “NO FOOL’S JOKE”,  this is life as we now live it. By the time we congregate again we’ll all be happy to see one another.      Steven Watt – reporting for the LAEFL Chronicle

There are and have been plenty of rivalries in the LAEFL: Ant/Erob, Cello/Vince and the famous, “Smoke-A-Bowl,” between Shabby J and Cleon. However, these rivalries have taken years to develop on the field through friendship and competition. Never has there been a rivalry created immediately involving a Rookie Coach and no official game under their belt…until now.

Mark Holguin II brought his father, Mark Holguin Sr, into the world of EFL and in a bizarro-world scenario it was the son teaching his dad how to play. Little did the younger Holguin know that his father continued to study the game, its gameplay, and the extra-curricular activity that follows. In their second scrimmage together, Mark II opened his defense to allow the elder Holguin a chance to create a big play. When he was about to explain a rule, Mark Sr, finished the rule and added, “Hit the switch b***h!” Mark Sr and his Los Angeles Rams won the scrimmage 21-7. That day and since his inclusion in the league, all the LAEFL talks about is how this father/son game will become the next great rivalry. With that, the “273.5 Bowl,” was created and with that a trophy that was fitting for the occasion.

The Name: In Los Angeles, Penal Code 273.5 means a domestic or family disturbance. This has been something that both Mark Sr, a retired Los Angeles Police Officer, and Mark II, a Los Angeles County Emergency Medical Technician, have responded to plenty of times in their careers.

The Trophy: The trophy was originally belonged to the youngest member of the Holguin household, Jacob, as it was his only football trophy. Now that there are numerous baseball trophies, awards, baseballs noting milestones in his career such as first strikeout in college, first save, and a few no-hitters, he had no problem parting ways with it.

Colors: Half powder blue and gold to represent Mark Sr’s alma mater UCLA and half maroon and gold to represent Mark II’s alma mater Arizona State. In the middle of the helmet, there is a navy-blue stripe to signify the uniform they shared in civil service.

A decal will be placed on the side of the winner indicating the year they won. In talking to Mark Sr, ahead of their match he can’t wait to begin this new rivalry and later added, “You are going to have to make the all blue. You won’t have enough room to put my wins on there.” His son Mark II, simply responded, “There may need to be extra security on hand for this game.”

-Thomas Aldrich